We are how we speak

I have a left coast/right coast friendship with a person I met on a banjo excursion.

(Have I lost you already?)

Mike and I are pretty far apart on the political spectrum. We’ve taken to egging each other on in long emails about stuff like guns, politicians and whether or not Paul Krugman is worth reading. (Sometimes I feel about Paul Krugman the way I felt about George Harrison when I was 13.)

I always learn something from Mike, and he gives me insights into the way conservatives and libertarians think about things. He also helps me see the gap between our information sources and how they shade our understanding of the world.

Mike’s son has told Mike several times that he admires the fact that we can have civil conversations about this stuff without getting snarky and rude.

Yikes!

So apparently, the norm is not to listen, question, discuss and respect.  Adam, a bright college student, has grown up in a time where snarkiness is the best one can expect and all-out hostility and wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap words are acceptable in a conversation about reason and values.

I was getting used to being called a liar (someone who I didn’t know once called me a liberal liar by name in what he thought was a private Facebook message), or being lumped together as one of those “lefty liars.”

I have bristled at being included as one of “those idiots” who support a left-leaning position.

Honestly — and apparently mea culpa — I associated this kind of social media language with the Limbaugh-inspired right wing fringe.

Until this campaign season.

My friend Ivan recently posted that he was tired of Clinton supporters calling Bern Feelers idiots if they chose not to vote for Clinton in the general election.

I am cringing at some of the language aimed at the Hillary side, as well as Clinton herself, by some Sanders supporters. (I’m not opposed to liberal use of F-bombs, but I don’t like them when used to describe my political leanings.)

And let me take this opportunity to rant about any use of “tard,” which I have seen used by folks on both sides of the aisle. Really, people, have you not progressed from when we were eight years old and called each other. . . well, I can’t even say what the favorite third-grade insult was.  Have we not learned anything about humanity?

This has got to be one of the most offensive words ever used in a political discussion — worse than nigger, bitch, you name it.

I had the hubris to believe that Democrats were the thoughtful party of respectful people. I am so sad to acknowledge I had it wrong. Crassness knows no party lines.

In a conversation, it’s great to have one’s perceptions challenged. It’s important to receive new information and be introduced to new ways of thinking.

But when my integrity or my character is challenged, the conversation ends for me. For many others, I’m sure.

As I’ve said repeatedly in recent weeks, this is a heart-breaking time in our political history.

It’s true that Donald Trump is encouraging violence in many ways.

But violently hateful language — even the words that we use among so-called friends — can be more enduring and more dangerous.

I am resisting the temptation to hide under the bed for the next nine months. It could be a lot worse  by the time I emerge.